Great gardeners are said to have green thumbs. Whatever they touch seems to thrive, because they have an intuitive sense about how to nurture what they plant. Like a gardener with a green thumb, you, too, have strong intuitions. The question is whether or not you notice them – and if and when you do – whether or not you let them guide you.
An intuition is a knowing that goes beyond reasoning and logic. It is a gift from your Soul – a kind of radar that signals and guides you, if your receiver is on and you are tuned into what you sense.
Your intuitive radar was operating at full blast when you first felt deeply attracted to your partner. Or it will be when next you encounter someone who sets your inner bells chiming. What you experience on occasions like these is a chemistry powerful enough to insure that you get to know the person whose presence sets your senses soaring. You simply "know" that this is someone who is special for you.
Similar knowings, though less intense, happen frequently. Sometimes you feel a gentle prompting. Other times you have much stronger urges. Noticing what you sense wakes-up your consciousness so you can honor your intuitions. This awakening of consciousness is the first secret to developing your green thumb with relationships.
Your consciousness is like a loving inner observer – a non-judging witness who watches over you. This witness is always present and available, but it only serves you when you are aware that it exists within you.
Tuning into your loving inner observer is like turning on the sound system in your car. It too is always present and available, but it only serves you when you remember to click on the power switch. Once you do so, you have lots of listening choices. There are a multitude of radio stations and you have both a tape deck and a CD player. Sometimes you may choose to play popular music or jazz. Other occasions invite you to seek different styles. You may be in the mood for talk programming and search until you find a conversation that intrigues, enrages, or inspires you. Or classical music may be exactly right for soothing your spirits. What you select affects you. If you like what you hear, you’ll probably keep listening. If you don’t, you can change the station or give yourself the choice of peaceful silence.
With your loving inner observer as your ally, you are aware of the rich variety of possibilities you possess for enjoying life. You can tune into your body and your physical senses. Doing so, you discover the pleasures of smelling the flowers, feeling the air that surrounds you, embracing your breath, relishing smells, really tasting what you eat, and appreciating the soothing experience of touching someone you love.
You are conscious of the power of your mind. Your loving inner observer notices when you choose encouraging thoughts and interpretations of your experiences. It also recognizes when you let fear direct your thinking and determine how you interpret what you encounter in your interactions with others.
With your loving inner observer as your partner, you become more aware of the larger Spiritual forces that guide and direct you. You notice that events which seemed overwhelmingly difficult and negative when first you encountered them become significant turning points in your life. You discover that there are gifts of growth and healing wrapped within your biggest challenges – even ones that at first seem to be more than you can possibly handle. You begin to sense unseen guides that assist you – comforting and supporting you in ways that defy logic but are nevertheless distinctly real. You pay attention to your dreams and the insights they offer you.
As your consciousness expands, you register how the words you say and the behaviors you choose affect your relationships. You learn to tune in and imagine how other people feel as they live or work with you. You ask yourself questions that help you notice your patterns of relating.
Are you creating closeness and cooperation or distance and competitive advantage? Are you listening and registering what others say or focusing on what you want to say in reaction to them? Are you interested when other people have opinions that are different from your own? Or do you rush in to try to convince them that yours is the only true and correct perspective? Do you recognize how connected you are with other people and with all of life or do you feel isolated, suspicious, and overly cautious? Are you tuned into the energy of love or are you caught up in the painful contagion of fear?
Here is the most important question of all! Do you tune into your loving inner observer without judging yourself for what it helps you see? Judging our choices creates pain or pride – depending upon the negative or positive tone of our judgments. The bottom line is that judging ourselves and others is not useful. It is a misguided attempt to control through guilt and mental manipulation.
Letting go of the persistent temptation to judge creates healing miracles in our relationships. Being conscious without presuming to know what is "right" or "best" for others allows us to connect with them as our peers and fellow travelers through life. It frees us to love without climbing on and off pedestals that proclaim some of us momentarily superior to others.
Throughout life we receive many hundreds of "wake-up calls" that like alarm clocks attempt to jolt us into awareness of who and what we are. Some of these are gentle whispers inviting us to tune into the bigger picture of our lives. Others are louder knocks. Some are earthquakes – severe blows from which there is no possible escape. Again and again life attempts to get our attention and persuade us to look more closely at ourselves and how we relate to others.
You can’t sleep your way to relationship success. Eventually you have to wake-up, look around, and notice "what is" with you and those you love. Then with conscious intention decide what you want to create together and discover how to make it happen. You can be sure that in the process you and your life companions will find much to explore, lots to laugh about, and plenty of growth challenges.